March 1, 2000
Weird how time slips away, isn't it? Suddenly you turn around and it's eleven years later. Things never stay the same. That's something my Daddy has always told me. I never really understood that until one Wednesday afternoon when I was in 9th grade. Pardon me if this post is choppy, but it's something that I can't recall without reliving it. I am already crying.
I remember everything so vividly. It was just a normal day - just a normal day. Gosh, I wish it would've just been a normal day. We went to and from class all morning. We were all so innocent. Smiling, laughing. Having a great time. Lunch came and went. Fifth period started. I, personally, was sitting in Mrs. Dardenne's room wondering where the heck she was because believe me, something had to be wrong for Mrs. Dardenne to be late to class. I'm sure many of my peers were also wondering why there was suddenly a feeling of something very wrong.
That moment (the moment where you are wondering what's going on, but you have hope that it's nothing big) was suddenly broken with a voice at the door. It was one of our classmates saying that she heard Cliff's truck had been hit by a train. I'm an eternal optimist, so of course I imagined his bender being nicked by a train or something like that. Never in my life could I have ever imagined the magnitude of what had just happened.
From that moment, the rest of the day moved in slow motion. We were first led to Mrs. Gower's room where there were people uncontrollably sobbing. I was angry. I didn't understand why or what all was going on, but somehow they did? Why was I being kept in the dark? I heard horrible whispers going on in the room about the possibility of Cliff being dead. I tried to drown them out because nothing like that could happen in Humphrey. There was no way that could be true. What was so hard was that nobody knew for sure who all was with him at lunch. At that instant, all I knew was that Cliff's truck was hit by a train, and he may be dead. What a horrible, horrible thought. We weren't there very long before we were herded down to the gym.
In the hallway, I remember Krystal running and literally jumping into my arms. She was only in 8th grade at the time, and still well under 100 pounds. I carried her all the way to the gym doors just holding her while she sobbed. I walked into the gym to find people sitting in circles consoling each other. I immediately started looking for who was missing. See, Humphrey wasn't exactly a big school, and this was actually possible to do. I didn't want to acknowledge that some people were missing. I kept thinking that maybe they just weren't there yet. But, in the back of my mind I knew that Ashley had to have been with Cliff. She was his sweetheart. Why wouldn't she have been with him at lunch? I wanted to dismiss that thought, but she wasn't in the gym. At this point, I never realized that Brady and Danielle had been in the truck also. It never crossed my mind. I realized they weren't in the gym, but like I said, there were a few others that weren't there either. I sat down with Casey and Adam crying on either side of me. I don't believe I had started crying yet. I'm not sure if it was because I was still in shock of what might have happened or I just didn't think it was necessary yet because afterall...no one had told us anything for certain. So, nothing was wrong yet.
We sat there for what seemed like forever. Mrs. Rodgers had busted out with Kum-ba-ya. Everyone around me was crying, and I felt like I was in a movie. It just didn't seem real. Finally Mr. Smith, our principal, came in. I was relieved to finally hear some news. Any news at that point was better than not knowing. At least that's what I thought at the time. I truly learned the meaning of 'ignorance is bliss' that day. He explained that there had been a train wreck as they were coming back from lunch. This is where I learned that not only Cliff and Ashley were in the truck, but also Brady and Danielle. From here it gets fuzzy. I became terrified. That is the only word to describe my feeling at that moment - terror. Mr. Smith didn't really give us much more than that. He may have told us that Cliff had been killed, but I can't remember. I do remember that he told us our parents had been contacted and they would be there soon to get us.
He left the gym, and left me with a ton of questions. I wanted to know. I needed to know. I ran out of the gym as fast as I could. I ran out to the edge of the road where Coach Horton and Mr. Craig were standing. They tried to stop me and told me to go back in, but I had to see. I looked down the road to see the wreckage and saw someone lying under a white sheet. "Surely this isn't happening." I kept repeating this thought in my mind. Surely not. I sat in front of the gym and waited until Daddy and Momma rolled up in our white Intrepid. We had to cross over the other crossing, and I refused to look again. I remember as we crossed I asked my parents one of the hardest questions I've ever had to ask, "Be completely honest with me - who all were killed?" Daddy responded in a solemn tone, "All four sweetheart. All four."
I remember looking down at my finger on the way home. See, Brady and I had been comparing hand sizes the day before and he clamped down on my hand and accidentally cut my finger with his nail. I remember praying that I would keep that scar forever. It has since faded, but I remember hoping it never would.
Later that evening my cousin Robbie came down, and he did the best thing anyone could have. He just sat on my bed with me, saying nothing, and let me cry. The next few days were a blur. Burying four of your best friends is not something I would have ever imagined doing at 15 years old. Mrs. Martha, Brady's mom, asked me to sing 'The Rose' at his funeral. I had never sang in public, but I couldn't say no. So, I did. By God's grace I made it through the song without crying, but literally fell apart when standing up to walk back to a seat. Any seat. I am so gracious for Derrick who saved me a seat. I sat down and he grasped my hand tightly, and I didn't let go until it was time to leave. Every funeral was packed. These four were and are loved by so many. It was one of the most difficult times of my life.
I had known Ashley since we were knee high to a grasshopper ;) She never got much taller than that. She was quite the cute, petite little thing. She always ran up behind me in the hall and unhooked my bra as a prank. She was SO good at that. I remember growing up how hard it was for her to stay ALL night with me. It was a monumental moment when she didn't have to call Mrs. Angie to get her. I love her and miss her so much.
Brady had been one of my best friends since first grade. Casey and I used to trade him and Jon off through elementary school as our boyfriends. Brady was in one word: hilarious. You couldn't be around him and not laugh. I still remember how he used to wear his boots out so quickly because now I know - he was a pronator ;) His Jim Carrey and Night at the Roxbury impressions never got old. I miss him and love him so much.
Cliff was a country boy to the core. He was such a great son and grandson. I remember how proud Mr. Bruce and Papaw Sam were of him. Ashley loved him so much. I'm sure they would've been married. He was the sweetest boy. I wish I would've known him better than I did. He is loved and missed very much.
Danielle was one of the happiest people I have ever met. She was always bursting with energy. She loved everything about life. I remember many sleepovers at Mrs. LeeAnn's watching Wishmaster and being scared out of our minds. Danielle of course was the fearless one who always had the best ghost stories. I miss her contagious smile. I miss and love her so much.
I didn't have many pictures of Ashley, Brady, Cliff, or Danielle. I think that's why I take so many pictures now. I just want to capture every moment because it can all be changed so quickly.
Soon after the accident I found a tape that we had recorded at that last birthday party. Danielle, Ashley, Casey, Krystal, Sunnibrooke, Melodi, and I were all singing "When We All Get To Heaven." That was a little over two weeks before they would be taken from us. It was so bittersweet to listen to. What surprised me more than finding that song was what I found further down on the tape. I had no idea that Brady had his on little recording session that night. There's probably 30 minutes of him just being a goofball singing old country songs in the most hick voice he could muster up.
Now that I've gotten all of this out let me say that I realize everything happens for a reason. We all go through trails so that God can mold and shape us into what He wants us to be. I wouldn't be who I am today without having had them in my life or without the accident happening. God sees the big picture even when we are blind to it. At the time I grieved as someone who had lost some of my best friends. Now that I have become a mother, I grieve on a little different level. I cannot imagine the grief that their parents have suffered since March 1, 2000. They say time heals all things, but some things never completely go away. I lost my innocence that day. My world was rocked as was so many others. Life wasn't 'peachy keen jelly bean' anymore. We were all suddenly faced with the real world. In a matter of seconds, our lives changed forever.
But, I still hold to the truth that God is good all the time, and all the time God is good. I'll see them one day when we all get to Heaven, and then we'll get to spend eternity praising the One who created us all. The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.
I remember everything so vividly. It was just a normal day - just a normal day. Gosh, I wish it would've just been a normal day. We went to and from class all morning. We were all so innocent. Smiling, laughing. Having a great time. Lunch came and went. Fifth period started. I, personally, was sitting in Mrs. Dardenne's room wondering where the heck she was because believe me, something had to be wrong for Mrs. Dardenne to be late to class. I'm sure many of my peers were also wondering why there was suddenly a feeling of something very wrong.
That moment (the moment where you are wondering what's going on, but you have hope that it's nothing big) was suddenly broken with a voice at the door. It was one of our classmates saying that she heard Cliff's truck had been hit by a train. I'm an eternal optimist, so of course I imagined his bender being nicked by a train or something like that. Never in my life could I have ever imagined the magnitude of what had just happened.
From that moment, the rest of the day moved in slow motion. We were first led to Mrs. Gower's room where there were people uncontrollably sobbing. I was angry. I didn't understand why or what all was going on, but somehow they did? Why was I being kept in the dark? I heard horrible whispers going on in the room about the possibility of Cliff being dead. I tried to drown them out because nothing like that could happen in Humphrey. There was no way that could be true. What was so hard was that nobody knew for sure who all was with him at lunch. At that instant, all I knew was that Cliff's truck was hit by a train, and he may be dead. What a horrible, horrible thought. We weren't there very long before we were herded down to the gym.
In the hallway, I remember Krystal running and literally jumping into my arms. She was only in 8th grade at the time, and still well under 100 pounds. I carried her all the way to the gym doors just holding her while she sobbed. I walked into the gym to find people sitting in circles consoling each other. I immediately started looking for who was missing. See, Humphrey wasn't exactly a big school, and this was actually possible to do. I didn't want to acknowledge that some people were missing. I kept thinking that maybe they just weren't there yet. But, in the back of my mind I knew that Ashley had to have been with Cliff. She was his sweetheart. Why wouldn't she have been with him at lunch? I wanted to dismiss that thought, but she wasn't in the gym. At this point, I never realized that Brady and Danielle had been in the truck also. It never crossed my mind. I realized they weren't in the gym, but like I said, there were a few others that weren't there either. I sat down with Casey and Adam crying on either side of me. I don't believe I had started crying yet. I'm not sure if it was because I was still in shock of what might have happened or I just didn't think it was necessary yet because afterall...no one had told us anything for certain. So, nothing was wrong yet.
We sat there for what seemed like forever. Mrs. Rodgers had busted out with Kum-ba-ya. Everyone around me was crying, and I felt like I was in a movie. It just didn't seem real. Finally Mr. Smith, our principal, came in. I was relieved to finally hear some news. Any news at that point was better than not knowing. At least that's what I thought at the time. I truly learned the meaning of 'ignorance is bliss' that day. He explained that there had been a train wreck as they were coming back from lunch. This is where I learned that not only Cliff and Ashley were in the truck, but also Brady and Danielle. From here it gets fuzzy. I became terrified. That is the only word to describe my feeling at that moment - terror. Mr. Smith didn't really give us much more than that. He may have told us that Cliff had been killed, but I can't remember. I do remember that he told us our parents had been contacted and they would be there soon to get us.
He left the gym, and left me with a ton of questions. I wanted to know. I needed to know. I ran out of the gym as fast as I could. I ran out to the edge of the road where Coach Horton and Mr. Craig were standing. They tried to stop me and told me to go back in, but I had to see. I looked down the road to see the wreckage and saw someone lying under a white sheet. "Surely this isn't happening." I kept repeating this thought in my mind. Surely not. I sat in front of the gym and waited until Daddy and Momma rolled up in our white Intrepid. We had to cross over the other crossing, and I refused to look again. I remember as we crossed I asked my parents one of the hardest questions I've ever had to ask, "Be completely honest with me - who all were killed?" Daddy responded in a solemn tone, "All four sweetheart. All four."
I remember looking down at my finger on the way home. See, Brady and I had been comparing hand sizes the day before and he clamped down on my hand and accidentally cut my finger with his nail. I remember praying that I would keep that scar forever. It has since faded, but I remember hoping it never would.
Later that evening my cousin Robbie came down, and he did the best thing anyone could have. He just sat on my bed with me, saying nothing, and let me cry. The next few days were a blur. Burying four of your best friends is not something I would have ever imagined doing at 15 years old. Mrs. Martha, Brady's mom, asked me to sing 'The Rose' at his funeral. I had never sang in public, but I couldn't say no. So, I did. By God's grace I made it through the song without crying, but literally fell apart when standing up to walk back to a seat. Any seat. I am so gracious for Derrick who saved me a seat. I sat down and he grasped my hand tightly, and I didn't let go until it was time to leave. Every funeral was packed. These four were and are loved by so many. It was one of the most difficult times of my life.
I had known Ashley since we were knee high to a grasshopper ;) She never got much taller than that. She was quite the cute, petite little thing. She always ran up behind me in the hall and unhooked my bra as a prank. She was SO good at that. I remember growing up how hard it was for her to stay ALL night with me. It was a monumental moment when she didn't have to call Mrs. Angie to get her. I love her and miss her so much.
Brady had been one of my best friends since first grade. Casey and I used to trade him and Jon off through elementary school as our boyfriends. Brady was in one word: hilarious. You couldn't be around him and not laugh. I still remember how he used to wear his boots out so quickly because now I know - he was a pronator ;) His Jim Carrey and Night at the Roxbury impressions never got old. I miss him and love him so much.
Cliff was a country boy to the core. He was such a great son and grandson. I remember how proud Mr. Bruce and Papaw Sam were of him. Ashley loved him so much. I'm sure they would've been married. He was the sweetest boy. I wish I would've known him better than I did. He is loved and missed very much.
Danielle was one of the happiest people I have ever met. She was always bursting with energy. She loved everything about life. I remember many sleepovers at Mrs. LeeAnn's watching Wishmaster and being scared out of our minds. Danielle of course was the fearless one who always had the best ghost stories. I miss her contagious smile. I miss and love her so much.
This is the last time we were all together outside of school. My 15th birthday party. And, of course - Danielle is helping me blow out my candles :-D Love that girl.
Brady and I showing chickens :-D In this particular picture, the chicken had actually died. Haha. That would be why he's hiding it's face. Respect the chicken :)
Ashley and I hiding in a closet for some reason? One of our many sleepovers. She was oh so very funny.
Soon after the accident I found a tape that we had recorded at that last birthday party. Danielle, Ashley, Casey, Krystal, Sunnibrooke, Melodi, and I were all singing "When We All Get To Heaven." That was a little over two weeks before they would be taken from us. It was so bittersweet to listen to. What surprised me more than finding that song was what I found further down on the tape. I had no idea that Brady had his on little recording session that night. There's probably 30 minutes of him just being a goofball singing old country songs in the most hick voice he could muster up.
Now that I've gotten all of this out let me say that I realize everything happens for a reason. We all go through trails so that God can mold and shape us into what He wants us to be. I wouldn't be who I am today without having had them in my life or without the accident happening. God sees the big picture even when we are blind to it. At the time I grieved as someone who had lost some of my best friends. Now that I have become a mother, I grieve on a little different level. I cannot imagine the grief that their parents have suffered since March 1, 2000. They say time heals all things, but some things never completely go away. I lost my innocence that day. My world was rocked as was so many others. Life wasn't 'peachy keen jelly bean' anymore. We were all suddenly faced with the real world. In a matter of seconds, our lives changed forever.
But, I still hold to the truth that God is good all the time, and all the time God is good. I'll see them one day when we all get to Heaven, and then we'll get to spend eternity praising the One who created us all. The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.
"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."
Romans 8:28
So sorry Paige. Saying a prayer for ya girl. Much love to ya.
ReplyDeleteVictoria